A STUDY OF MARITAL DISCIPLINE IN ISLAMIC TEXTS

MUHAMMAD AND WIFE BEATING.

Qur’an 4:34 vs Jesus’ Teaching on Marriage

Arabic

ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ ۚ فَٱلصَّٰلِحَٰتُ قَٰنِتَٰتٌ حَٰفِظَٰتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَٱلَّٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلْمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا

Arberry

Men are the managers of the affairs of women for that God has preferred in bounty one of them over another, and for that they have expended of their property. Righteous women are therefore obedient, guarding the secret for God’s guarding. And those you fear may be rebellious admonish; banish them to their couches, and beat them. If they then obey you, look not for any way against them; God is All-high, All-great.

CIRCUMSTANCES BEHIND THE VERSE

Asbab Al-Nuzul by Al-Wahidi

(Men are in charge of women…) [4:34]. Said Muqatil: “This verse (Men are in charge of women…) was revealed about Sa‘d ibn al-Rabi‘, who was one of the leaders of the Helpers (nuqaba’), and his wife Habibah bint Zayd ibn Abi Zuhayr, both of whom from the Helpers. It happened Sa‘d hit his wife on the face because she rebelled against him. Then her father went with her to see the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace. He said to him: ‘I gave him my daughter in marriage and he slapped her’. The Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said: ‘Let her have retaliation against her husband’. As she was leaving with her father to execute retaliation, the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, called them and said: ‘Come back; Gabriel has come to me’, and Allah, exalted is He, revealed this verse. The Messenger of Allah, Allah bless him and give him peace, said: ‘We wanted something while Allah wanted something else, and that which Allah wants is good’. Retaliation was then suspended”. Sa‘id ibn Muhammad ibn Ahmad al-Zahid informed us> Zahir ibn Ahmad> Ahmad ibn al-Husayn ibn Junayd> Ziyad ibn Ayyub> Hushaym> Yunus ibn al-Hasan who reported that a man slapped his wife and she complained about him to the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace. Her family who went with her said: “O Messenger of Allah! So-and-so has slapped our girl”. The Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, kept saying: “Retaliation! Retaliation! And there is no other judgement to be held”. But then this verse (Men are in charge of women…) was revealed and the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said: “We wanted something and Allah wanted something else”. Abu Bakr al-Harithi informed us> Abu’l-Shaykh al-Hafiz> Abu Yahya al-Razi> Sahl al-‘Askari> ‘Ali ibn Hashim> Isma‘il> al-Hasan who said: “Around the time when the verse on retaliation was revealed amongst the Muslims, a man had slapped his wife. She went to the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace and said: ‘My husband has slapped me and I want retaliation’. So he said: ‘Let there be retaliation’. As he was still dealing with her, Allah, exalted is He, revealed (Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other…). Upon which the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said: ‘We wanted something and my Lord wanted something different. O man, take your wife by the hand’

It is important to keep in mind that whatever the translator put in the bracket are not part of the Arabic text, and the Qur’an nowhere instructs men to beat their wives lightly or without harshness or anger. The translators are doing nothing more than to soften or water down what their respective scripture actually says.

EVIDENCE FROM HADITH

Sahih al-Bukhari 5825

Narrated `Ikrima:

Rifa`a divorced his wife whereupon `AbdurRahman bin Az-Zubair Al-Qurazi married her. `Aisha said that the lady (came), wearing a green veil (and complained to her (Aisha) of her husband and showed her a green spot on her skin caused by beating). It was the habit of ladies to support each other, so when Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) came, `Aisha said, “I have not seen any woman suffering as much as the believing women. Look! Her skin is greener than her clothes!” When `AbdurRahman heard that his wife had gone to the Prophet, he came with his two sons from another wife. She said, “By Allah! I have done no wrong to him but he is impotent and is as useless to me as this,” holding and showing the fringe of her garment, `Abdur-Rahman said, “By Allah, O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! She has told a lie! I am very strong and can satisfy her but she is disobedient and wants to go back to Rifa`a.” Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, to her, “If that is your intention, then know that it is unlawful for you to remarry Rifa`a unless `Abdur-Rahman has had sexual intercourse with you.” Then the Prophet (ﷺ) saw two boys with `Abdur- Rahman and asked (him), “Are these your sons?” On that `AbdurRahman said, “Yes.” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “You claim what you claim (i.e.. that he is impotent)? But by Allah, these boys resemble him as a crow resembles a crow,”

حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ بَشَّارٍ، حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الْوَهَّابِ، أَخْبَرَنَا أَيُّوبُ، عَنْ عِكْرِمَةَ، أَنَّ رِفَاعَةَ، طَلَّقَ امْرَأَتَهُ، فَتَزَوَّجَهَا عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنُ الزَّبِيرِ الْقُرَظِيُّ، قَالَتْ عَائِشَةُ وَعَلَيْهَا خِمَارٌ أَخْضَرُ‏.‏ فَشَكَتْ إِلَيْهَا، وَأَرَتْهَا خُضْرَةً بِجِلْدِهَا، فَلَمَّا جَاءَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَالنِّسَاءُ يَنْصُرُ بَعْضُهُنَّ بَعْضًا قَالَتْ عَائِشَةُ مَا رَأَيْتُ مِثْلَ مَا يَلْقَى الْمُؤْمِنَاتُ، لَجِلْدُهَا أَشَدُّ خُضْرَةً مِنْ ثَوْبِهَا‏.‏ قَالَ وَسَمِعَ أَنَّهَا قَدْ أَتَتْ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَجَاءَ وَمَعَهُ ابْنَانِ لَهُ مِنْ غَيْرِهَا‏.‏ قَالَتْ وَاللَّهِ مَا لِي إِلَيْهِ مِنْ ذَنْبٍ، إِلاَّ أَنَّ مَا مَعَهُ لَيْسَ بِأَغْنَى عَنِّي مِنْ هَذِهِ‏.‏ وَأَخَذَتْ هُدْبَةً مِنْ ثَوْبِهَا، فَقَالَ كَذَبَتْ وَاللَّهِ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، إِنِّي لأَنْفُضُهَا نَفْضَ الأَدِيمِ، وَلَكِنَّهَا نَاشِزٌ تُرِيدُ رِفَاعَةَ‏.‏ فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏”‏ فَإِنْ كَانَ ذَلِكَ لَمْ تَحِلِّي لَهُ ـ أَوْ لَمْ تَصْلُحِي لَهُ ـ حَتَّى يَذُوقَ مِنْ عُسَيْلَتِكِ ‏”‏‏.‏ قَالَ وَأَبْصَرَ مَعَهُ ابْنَيْنِ فَقَالَ ‏”‏ بَنُوكَ هَؤُلاَءِ ‏”‏‏.‏ قَالَ نَعَمْ‏.‏ قَالَ ‏”‏ هَذَا الَّذِي تَزْعُمِينَ مَا تَزْعُمِينَ، فَوَاللَّهِ لَهُمْ أَشْبَهُ بِهِ مِنَ الْغُرَابِ بِالْغُرَابِ ‏”‏‏.‏

Note carefully what Aisha says here. Muhammad’s child bride basically acknowledges that female Muslims were being oppressed and treated more severely than any other women that she knew of. Also note that instead of reprimanding the husband for hitting his wife so severely so as to bruise her body, Muhammad was more upset over the woman’s accusation that her husband was impotent!

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only time that Muhammad condoned and even sanctioned the beating of women. In the following narrative a man beats his wife for praying too much and Muhammad says nothing to rebuke him!

Sunan Abi Dawud 2459

Narrated AbuSa’id al-Khudri:
A woman came to the Prophet while we were with him.
She said: Apostle of Allah, my husband, Safwan ibn al-Mu’attal, BEATS ME when I pray, and makes me break my fast when I keep a fast, and he does not offer the dawn prayer until the sun rises.
He asked Safwan, who was present, about what she had said. He replied: Apostle of Allah, as for her statement “he beats me when I pray”, she recites two surahs (during prayer) and I have prohibited her (to do so). He (the Prophet) said: If one surah is recited (during prayer), that is sufficient for the people. (Safwan continued:) As regards her saying “he makes me break my fast,” she dotes on fasting; I am a young man, I cannot restrain myself. The Apostle of Allah said on that day: A woman should not fast except with the permission of her husband. (Safwan said:) As for her statement that I do not pray until the sun rises, we are a people belonging to a class, and that (our profession of supplying water) is already known about us. We do not awake until the sun rises. He said: When you awake, offer your prayer.

MUHAMMAD STRUCK AISHA ON THE CHEST.

Muhammad b. Qais said (to the people): Should I not narrate to you (a hadith of the Holy Prophet) on my authority and on the authority of my mother? We thought that he meant the mother who had given him birth. He (Muhammad b. Qais) then reported that it was ‘A’isha who had narrated this: Should I not narrate to you about myself and about the Messenger of Allah? We said: Yes. She said: When it was my turn for Allah’s Messenger to spend the night with me, he turned his side, put on his mantle and took off his shoes and placed them near his feet, and spread the corner of his shawl on his bed and then lay down till he thought that I had gone to sleep. He took hold of his mantle slowly and put on the shoes slowly, and opened the door and went out and then closed it lightly. I covered my head, put on my veil and tightened my waist wrapper, and then went out following his steps till he reached Baqi’. He stood there and he stood for a long time. He then lifted his hands three times, and then returned and I also returned. He hastened his steps and I also hastened my steps. He ran and I too ran. He came (to the house) and I also came (to the house). I, however, preceded him and I entered (the house), and as I lay down in the bed, he (the Holy Prophet) entered the (house), and said: Why is it, O ‘A’isha, that you are out of breath? I said: There is nothing. He said: Tell me or the Subtle and the Aware would inform me. I said: Messenger of Allah, may my father and mother be ransom for you, and then I told him (the whole story). He said: Was it the darkness (of your shadow) that I saw in front of me? I said: Yes. He STRUCK ME ON THE CHEST WHICH CAUSED ME PAIN, and then said: Did you think that Allah and His Apostle would deal unjustly with you? She said: Whatsoever the people conceal, Allah will know it. He said: Gabriel came to me when you saw me. He called me and he concealed it from you. I responded to his call, but I too concealed it from you (for he did not come to you), as you were not fully dressed. I thought that you had gone to sleep, and I did not like to awaken you, fearing that you may be frightened. He (Gabriel) said: Your Lord has commanded you to go to the inhabitants of Baqi’ (to those lying in the graves) and beg pardon for them. I said: Messenger of Allah, how should I pray for them (How should I beg forgiveness for them)? He said: Say, Peace be upon the inhabitants of this city (graveyard) from among the Believers and the Muslims, and may Allah have mercy on those who have gone ahead of us, and those who come later on, and we shall, God willing, join you.

وَحَدَّثَنِي هَارُونُ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ الأَيْلِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ وَهْبٍ، أَخْبَرَنَا ابْنُ جُرَيْجٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ كَثِيرِ بْنِ الْمُطَّلِبِ، أَنَّهُ سَمِعَ مُحَمَّدَ بْنَ قَيْسٍ، يَقُولُ سَمِعْتُ عَائِشَةَ، تُحَدِّثُ فَقَالَتْ أَلاَ أُحَدِّثُكُمْ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَعَنِّي ‏.‏ قُلْنَا بَلَى ح. وَحَدَّثَنِي مَنْ، سَمِعَ حَجَّاجًا الأَعْوَرَ، – وَاللَّفْظُ لَهُ – قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا حَجَّاجُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ، حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ جُرَيْجٍ، أَخْبَرَنِي عَبْدُ اللَّهِ، – رَجُلٌ مِنْ قُرَيْشٍ – عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ قَيْسِ بْنِ مَخْرَمَةَ، بْنِ الْمُطَّلِبِ أَنَّهُ قَالَ يَوْمًا أَلاَ أُحَدِّثُكُمْ عَنِّي وَعَنْ أُمِّي قَالَ فَظَنَنَّا أَنَّهُ يُرِيدُ أُمَّهُ الَّتِي وَلَدَتْهُ ‏.‏ قَالَ قَالَتْ عَائِشَةُ أَلاَ أُحَدِّثُكُمْ عَنِّي وَعَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏.‏ قُلْنَا بَلَى ‏.‏ قَالَ قَالَتْ لَمَّا كَانَتْ لَيْلَتِيَ الَّتِي كَانَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِيهَا عِنْدِي انْقَلَبَ فَوَضَعَ رِدَاءَهُ وَخَلَعَ نَعْلَيْهِ فَوَضَعَهُمَا عِنْدَ رِجْلَيْهِ وَبَسَطَ طَرَفَ إِزَارِهِ عَلَى فِرَاشِهِ فَاضْطَجَعَ فَلَمْ يَلْبَثْ إِلاَّ رَيْثَمَا ظَنَّ أَنْ قَدْ رَقَدْتُ فَأَخَذَ رِدَاءَهُ رُوَيْدًا وَانْتَعَلَ رُوَيْدًا وَفَتَحَ الْبَابَ فَخَرَجَ ثُمَّ أَجَافَهُ رُوَيْدًا فَجَعَلْتُ دِرْعِي فِي رَأْسِي وَاخْتَمَرْتُ وَتَقَنَّعْتُ إِزَارِي ثُمَّ انْطَلَقْتُ عَلَى إِثْرِهِ حَتَّى جَاءَ الْبَقِيعَ فَقَامَ فَأَطَالَ الْقِيَامَ ثُمَّ رَفَعَ يَدَيْهِ ثَلاَثَ مَرَّاتٍ ثُمَّ انْحَرَفَ فَانْحَرَفْتُ فَأَسْرَعَ فَأَسْرَعْتُ فَهَرْوَلَ فَهَرْوَلْتُ فَأَحْضَرَ فَأَحْضَرْتُ فَسَبَقْتُهُ فَدَخَلْتُ فَلَيْسَ إِلاَّ أَنِ اضْطَجَعْتُ فَدَخَلَ فَقَالَ ‏”‏ مَا لَكِ يَا عَائِشُ حَشْيَا رَابِيَةً ‏”‏ ‏.‏ قَالَتْ قُلْتُ لاَ شَىْءَ ‏.‏ قَالَ ‏”‏ لَتُخْبِرِينِي أَوْ لَيُخْبِرَنِّي اللَّطِيفُ الْخَبِيرُ ‏”‏ ‏.‏ قَالَتْ قُلْتُ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ بِأَبِي أَنْتَ وَأُمِّي ‏.‏ فَأَخْبَرْتُهُ قَالَ ‏”‏ فَأَنْتِ السَّوَادُ الَّذِي رَأَيْتُ أَمَامِي ‏”‏ ‏.‏ قُلْتُ نَعَمْ ‏.‏ فَلَهَدَنِي فِي صَدْرِي لَهْدَةً أَوْجَعَتْنِي ثُمَّ قَالَ ‏”‏ أَظَنَنْتِ أَنْ يَحِيفَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْكِ وَرَسُولُهُ ‏”‏ ‏.‏ قَالَتْ مَهْمَا يَكْتُمِ النَّاسُ يَعْلَمْهُ اللَّهُ نَعَمْ ‏.‏ قَالَ ‏”‏ فَإِنَّ جِبْرِيلَ أَتَانِي حِينَ رَأَيْتِ فَنَادَانِي فَأَخْفَاهُ مِنْكِ فَأَجَبْتُهُ فَأَخْفَيْتُهُ مِنْكِ وَلَمْ يَكُنْ يَدْخُلُ عَلَيْكِ وَقَدْ وَضَعْتِ ثِيَابَكِ وَظَنَنْتُ أَنْ قَدْ رَقَدْتِ فَكَرِهْتُ أَنْ أُوقِظَكِ وَخَشِيتُ أَنْ تَسْتَوْحِشِي فَقَالَ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ يَأْمُرُكَ أَنْ تَأْتِيَ أَهْلَ الْبَقِيعِ فَتَسْتَغْفِرَ لَهُمْ ‏”‏ ‏.‏ قَالَتْ قُلْتُ كَيْفَ أَقُولُ لَهُمْ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ قَالَ ‏”‏ قُولِي السَّلاَمُ عَلَى أَهْلِ الدِّيَارِ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَالْمُسْلِمِينَ وَيَرْحَمُ اللَّهُ الْمُسْتَقْدِمِينَ مِنَّا وَالْمُسْتَأْخِرِينَ وَإِنَّا إِنْ شَاءَ اللَّهُ بِكُمْ لَلاَحِقُونَ ‏”‏ ‏.‏

And no matter how one chooses to interpret Q. 4:34, whether they take the procedures prescribed in how a man is to deal with a rebellious wife as successive steps, as indicated by the following translation,

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them, refuse to share their beds, beat them, but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great. H

Or a range of options to choose from, irrespective of the order, Muhammad still ends up violating his own instructions.

If one opts for the first interpretation, then Muhammad disobeyed the words of his deity since he chose to hit Aisha when he was supposed to admonish her first. If the latter explanation is adopted then Muhammad still failed to live up to his own standards, since he chose the harshest course of action instead of doing that which was more merciful and compassionate. After all, hurting his child bride, as opposed to lovingly rebuking her, wasn’t the best course of action, but the harshest and cruelest step he could have taken. This, therefore, indicates that Muhammad wasn’t the loving and merciful human being that Muslims paint him out to be.  

NO MAN WILL BE ASKED FOR BEATING HER WIFE.

Sunan Ibn Majah 1986

The Chapters on Marriage

It was narrated that Ash’ath bin Qais said: “I was a guest (at the home) of ‘Umar one night, and in the middle of the night he went and hit his wife, and I separated them. When he went to bed he said to me: ‘O Ash’ath, learn from me something that I heard from the Messenger of Allah: “A man should not be asked why he beats his wife, and do not go to sleep until you have prayed the Witr.”‘ And I forgot the third thing.”

Riyad as-Salihin 68.

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “No man shall be asked for the reason of beating his wife”.

التاسع‏:‏ عن عمر رضي الله عنه عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال‏:‏ ‏ “‏لا يسأل الرجل فيم ضرب امرأته‏”‏ ‏(‏‏(‏رواه أبو دواد وغيره‏)‏‏)‏ ‏.‏

Qur’an 4:34 establishes a model of marriage based on male authority and discipline. The verse states that men are “in charge” of women and permits a husband, after warning and separation in bed, to strike his wife if he fears disobedience.

Jesus’ teaching on marriage stands in direct opposition to this model. In the Gospel, authority is never expressed through force. Jesus redefines leadership as self-sacrifice, not control. He commands husbands to love their wives with the same love He showed the Church—a love that suffers, serves, and gives life rather than inflicting harm. The apostle Paul summarizes this clearly: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

Jesus never permits physical discipline within marriage. He condemns domination, coercion, and abuse of power. When His disciples sought authority, He corrected them, saying that greatness in God’s kingdom is shown through service, not control. Christ’s love restores; it does not strike.

The contrast reveals two different moral visions. Qur’an 4:34 allows authority backed by force. Jesus teaches authority expressed through sacrificial love. One tolerates violence within marriage; the other forbids it by transforming the heart of the husband. These teachings cannot come from the same moral source.

A true revelation raises the standard of love and holiness. By that standard, Jesus’ teaching on marriage stands apart as morally higher, protective, and consistent with the character of a holy and loving God.